I trembled with fear. My heart raced faster than a train and at the same time tried to go slower than a snail. It was a mixed emotion. I felt inebriated. I tried to open my eyes to see clearly what happened around me. I was not able to understand what I experienced. I was not able to perceive the surroundings except vehicle’s screeching sound beside me. It was chaos and I didn’t like it a bit. I didn’t know whether I had my eyes open, whether it was day or night, whether I was in my home or office, whether I was thirsty or hungry, whether I was dressed or not. I wasn’t aware whether I was conscious or not either. It was utter mess.
It was hard for me to recollect what had happened for me to end up like this. It could be a dream too, but I was able to feel my body reacting, to be honest I have had this feeling in dreams too. I struggled a bit to remember what had happened. I had gone to the office in the morning, then Starbucks in the afternoon to get a hot chocolate to escape the cold winter winds and feel warmth in my hands. I had woken up as usual when the alarm played my favorite song. Before leaving for work, I had dropped my kids at the day care and kissed them good bye. I had a salad for lunch. All these things were my daily routine. I had called my wife around 4 to give her a heads up that I would be late and she had to pick up the kids, which was new. I was perplexed as why I wasn’t able to remember where I ended up.
Remembering the call to my wife helped me to regain my memory that I had stayed late for a meeting. I heard sirens at the same moment. There was a cold stream breeze that stuck my face, slowing down the blood dripping from my forehead. I could taste the fresh blood in mouth. I remembered all the time I used to suck my fingers to halt the blood flow. I tried to move my hands to check the origin of the blood, but all my efforts were futile. My entire body weight was on my left arm, body stuck under the seatbelt and my right hand falling off the shoulder socket. It was either the break or accelerator pedal that I felt near my thighs. I could hear my heart slowing down. Lot of questions were going through my brain. How did I end up like this? Did I hit someone? Did someone else hit me? Is it a multi vehicle collision? Are the other passengers safe? Was there children in any of the car? The mere thought of multi vehicle collision game me the chills. I didn’t know whether it was the questions that caused my brain to ache or the accident.
My concentration was diverted when I heard people around me made noise. I could sense someone’s hand feeling my body to reach under my arms. I tried to assist them by moving a little, but the hand retrieved instantly as I moved. I thought I scared them by my action. Damn, I should have stayed still, I thought. I did hear broken words like ice, slippery, bad, accident, blood and fire. I didn’t try to remember what had happened anymore, I was able to relive those moments. My car skid on the ice and I had hit the side railing. I hit my head on the steering wheel before the air bag had deployed. At the same time my car was coming to a stop, there was another car skid at the same patch of ice and t-boned me.
My thoughts weren’t streamlined anymore. I wanted to make sure my wife knew that I was okay, but didn’t know whether I would be able to. I was really concerned that she could be worried that something bad happened to me. I was ready to be rescued, treated and sent back to my loving home. I wasn’t willed to leave my wife and kids behind or say goodbye to my parents. I didn’t wish to give up on my dream of setting up my own wine yard. I had lot of things to achieve. I had lot of things to complete. I felt I haven’t showed my wife the love she deserved. I realized I haven’t shown appreciation to my parents for the sacrifice they have made. I haven’t told my kids how much I adore them. There were so many things I had procrastinated daily which I regretted now. I haven’t created a legacy for myself. Nobody would remember me except for my family and friends, and even they will eventually will move on with their life. I didn’t want to leave this world like this. Not many people get a second chance in life and I don’t wish to be one among them. I wasn’t prepared to die, but didn’t know whether I had a choice.
Lot of obscure questions popped up on my mind. How does one know that they are ready to leave everything behind? I wasn’t ready, and I was sure that I will not be ready even I was given next fifty years. Do I have to be ready any moment? I don’t know. Was I given a choice to be ready to be born? I don’t know. So I guessed it’s not a factor of being ready or given a choice, but to accept what’s ahead. The feeling that I would not see my kids again made my heart feel light and my eyes started watering. I didn’t know what would happen to me, but I prayed for a chance to see my wife and kids once again.
I felt something stung on my chest, someone tried to cut the seat belt. The pain of not seeing my family was more prominent than the knife poking my chest. Though I didn’t know who yelled, that time I clearly heard “Back off! Back off NOW!” I could really feel the stress on the words now cutting through the cold air. Not just the space around me got warmer each second, but my body too. I felt like I stood between the sprinklers on my front yard when water sprayed over me. I had overcome many hardships in my life, however I didn’t know whether this was one amongst them. I wasn’t able to open my eyes anymore due to the bright light. I closed my eyes for the moment to pass.